50 shades of ugh

As a writer and someone with a creative writing degree, I sometimes like books more than people. I have a rather large library in my small urban flat and I carry books with me from time to time. I'm not typically one to pick up a book because it's popular or the new "it" thing but I decide to pick these three books up knowing they would be a quick read for me. I burned through book 1 in 2 days and think I finished the trilogy in just under a week. I am by no means prudish but there were moments in book one that made me feel like I was watching some Cinemax at my parents house while they were sleeping (and that only continued as I progressed through the trilogy). My feelings about these books sit somewhere between strongly dislike and hate. I found nothing charming or likable about either of the main characters. You have a man, described as stunningly handsome, who is into bdsm and a female, described as stunningly beautiful but clearly insecure, who is a virgin. Sounds like a match made in the heavens, right? The meet by happenstance and Mr. Grey is immediately intrigued, so intrigued that he goes to her work to buy some supplies for his kinkdom. They engage in a sexual relationship, complete with contracts, non-disclosure agreements, hard limits, soft limits, and a playroom. Sounds like your run of the mill relationship, right? After her first orgasm she becomes only what I can describe as sexually depraved, craving sex so much that after the first 100 or so pages that is all she wants to do. We are constantly reminded by the author that she doesn't eat much, sex is her sustenance. I know, I know we've all been there. At points I joked with my girlfriends that this book contained boring filler, sex, some more boring filler, and more sex. Take the sex out of this book and it doesn't have a page to stand on. The female protagonist of this book sets female protagonists back to a male dominated era in writing. She, Anastasia Steele, constantly goes against all of her morals because she just needs this man inside her at all times. I understand exploration and experimentation but she is willing to do things that she is so opposed to (and cause her physical pain) just to get her hole plugged (sorry to be so crass here). He, Mr. Grey, is constantly walking around talking about "blah, blah, blah; I can't fall in love; I don't like to be touched; I want to punish you; stop biting your lip; I'm 50 shades of fu*ked up; I'm not good for you; and a little more blah, blah, blah." I felt like I was reading a twisted and slightly more grown up version of Twilight (minus the wolf guy). Yes, I read Twilight and No, I didn't like it. I think I can actually say I hated Twilight and all of the drivel contained within all of those pages.  I learned, through the wonder of the internets, that the Fifty Shades were born from Twilight fan fiction, so my hunch was right. Anyway, back to this Fifty Shades of ugh. Ana's character starts to pull away from her friends and family and really, makes this man her world. Of course after all the talk of Christian not being capable of a relationship with someone, he let's her fill his world and can't exist without her. This sounds so sweet right? Her love changed him, awwwww...puke! This man becomes so obsessed and domineering to the point where he buys the company she works for, normal right? These books are such drivel, I actually regret reading them. I don't want to spoil the whole trilogy for you so you can judge for yourselves (I'm not judging you if you like them, I promise). Be prepared for, angry former sexual slaves, a crazed boss with a killer vendetta, unexpected pregnancy, house visits from the gyno for birth control, sex (of all sorts), extravagant gifts, sex, more crazy former sexual slaves, lots of talk of biting lips, jealousy, drama, talking about sex when not engaging in sex, and more kinky sex. I think the two things about this book that sent me over the edge were "twitchy palms"  which is what happens when she has been bad and acts up (most of the time purposely) and he has the itch to spank her; and "laters baby", the sweet little thing they say to each other (gag me!). If someone ever said "laters baby" to me I think I would stomp on their foot and walk away. Reading these books, for me, was like stopping at a fast food restaurant; quick, easy, and lacking of real meat. End rant, "laters babies"